-My hair is getting quite long...and I like it. Let's see how long it can get before I get frustrated.
-I sometimes envy smokers for two reasons. One is their instant connection to other smokers in social situations. To me, it seems like they can make friends quite easily. The other is that it seems to give them a way to relax and let loose in a very non-demanding way. There are times where I'm really anxious to be doing something, yet have nothing to release said tension. I still refuse to smoke, though.
-I feel the need for change. Change in how I look (part of that is the hair thing), change in some of my habits, and change in my demeanor and interaction with others. I'm discovering some of "my" style in terms of clothes, so I'll continue to experiment with that over time. Kinda want to dye my hair different shades (nothing too extreme), but I'll do some research on that before I make any solid decision on that. I feel so vain, worrying about how I look, but y'know, it does make a difference in how you feel. One of the reasons I appreciate Halloween; I can put a lot of work into how I look for a night, and it actually DOES come out as nice. As opposed to my every day look. One day I'll find a good combo of the two. Habits...whew. I've realized in my time without television, even TV on DVD, how much I really do enjoy that world. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. But I've built up a state of being around it to the point where if I don't have anything to do, my mind instantly wants to watch television. Now, here, without it...I'm kind of lost. So I need to find things to replace it with. Writing would be good. Really wish I would get in the habit of carrying around my idea notebook with me wherever I go. I also want to get into the habit of exercising when I get back. It's something I've been meaning to do for years. Hopefully, I'll finally do it upon my return. Probably need to take a class to get me in the habit, but I'm fine with that. Can't really do it in China; all the gyms are closed to everyone but the people who need them for classes. Drat. Change in demeanor...that one is going to be the hardest. But I think it'll come naturally with the realization of the other two. It's all a confidence thing. I'm a little self-conscious. Have been my whole life. I'm just usually really good at hiding it (or at least, I think so). Despite not caring what other people think for the most part, I still care about my body and how it looks and how it operates. If I can get those parts feeling better, maybe the rest of it will fall into place.
Umm...I think that's it for now. Really, this does have to do with China; I'm having all these thoughts because I'm in China and I have the time to have these thoughts. So...yeah. Self discovery, WHOO!
杜楷
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3 comments:
A scary thought but i almost envy the heavy drinkers simply because They're so fucked up that they just dont give a shit better than killing yourself over every little thing but just as dangerous if not more so
I can compleatly ditto almost EVERYTHING you said about change Though in my case its a Need I'm going insane I need to change and I need to feel it and know the diffrence I need to fix some things change my looks and find a way to be more comfortable with me
As a member of the over 50 crowd, I am definitely blog challenged. What am I supposed to do or say? am I supposed to write something newsy or profound or what? If my reply is supposed to be profound you are out of luck. What is the difference between a blog and sending an e-mail with a distribution list? Anyway, David, Craig and I have enjoyed hearing about your adventures in China -- wish we were there, too. But we are just working stiffs these days. Regarding "getting in shape" just go and walk and walk some more. That is a better option than waiting. By the way, I don't think purple hair would be in your color chart. Hot pink might work, though. Happy Halloween. Carol
I'm like you are with TV, except its the Internet. I'll sit at my computer to write, and then...sit on YouTube for three hours.
Ah the college days of not being able to afford internet, and writing all evening...*sniff* How I miss them...
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