Going to Beijing

I'm really excited for the Beijing trip. It's the area of China I've wanted to go to the most since I've been here. I just wish the stay there was longer.... We're leaving tonight, probably getting back Monday, so all should be good. =)

Random grammar note: (because I constantly think about grammar...what, you don't?)
In Chinese, to make a yes/no question, they either repeat the verb with a negative marker between the repeated verb (是不是，有没有, with 不 and 没 being the negative markers) or add 吗 at the end of a sentence. In English, we simply move the verb to the front of the sentence ("He is American" compared to "Is he American?"). There are notable exceptions to this, of course, such as not needing a "do" in "He likes to ride bicycles" as compared to the question "Does he like to ride bicycles?", but for the most part, it's moving a verb to the beginning of the sentence that immediately makes us aware that the next sentence is interrogative. We also use tones in our speech to indicate (emphasis on the verb and a rising tone at the end of "He likes to ride bikes" makes it "He likes to ride bikes?") but that's more us being lazy than anything, I think. Not that there's anything wrong with lazy; all languages do the lazy thing. I get annoyed with double third tones in Chinese.... Just something to think about, really.

Anyway, just wanted to tell all y'alls where I'm going to be for the next few days in case ya miss me.

再见！
杜楷

Homestretch

This is it. It is pretty much the last month I will be in China. I refuse to say "ever" because, well, who can tell what the future will hold?

I know that I'm ready to come home. I also know that I've been saying that since the beginning, which *does* make one question whether this whole trip has been worth it. Despite my reservations and whatnot, I'd say...yes, it has been worth it. I haven't done as much as I'd liked to have done, but you know what? "Que sera, sera." Words I live by every day of my life now. If I didn't do some stuff, then I wasn't supposed to do some stuff. I can only make peace with that and move on to the next stage.

So one last little note to all my followers out there. In all likelihood, I will probably buy people Christmas gifts here in China. Kinda the occupational hazard of being a student basically right up until Christmas Day. Problem is, I'm horrible at buying souvenirs for myself, much less for others. So if there's anything you think you want (no, I'm not buying a monkey for anyone, thanks for playing, good night), please let me know. It won't be much of a surprise, I admit, but again, I'm at a loss. Some people have said chopsticks. Others have said "meh, get me whatever." The first one is good, even if it isn't *that* special. I don't like "mehs", though. If you want something, people, something preferable feasible, let me know asapy. That's a word that I just made up...well, not really. If you don't let me know and you aren't immediate friends or family...you probably won't get anything. Sorry dolls, way of the world. Can't please everyone. I'll do my best, though. Just looking for some ideas. =)

Good news: I've done fairly well on all my midterms. Not perfect, mind you, but considering the material, the fact that I feel lost in class nearly every day, and, oh yeah, CHINESE, I'd say scores from the mid 70's to mid 80's is pretty good. Plus, I'm not too worried overall. When the person (who is a native English speaker as well) whom you think is probably one of the best students in the class gets around the same grade as you, you tend to feel, "okay, I'm not horrible at this at least...." Right?

Otherwise, this month is gonna go kinda slow, I think. The weather is cold, making it hard to want to go out a whole lot. After meeting up with Ally, I really wish I could just be traveling the world with her and her friends. And, oh yeah, my computer backlight is dying on me. I think I mentioned that before...if not, there you go. No more warranty, so now every cost will go to me. Wonderful.

I'll make it through, though. Got a lot to look forward to: music, family, friends, a good job (thank you IMAX for not being the CAC and letting me come back!), and home.

Home...I like the sound of that word.

Home.

Home home home.

Home.

Okay, I'm done, I swear!

...

Home.

再见！
杜楷

Midterms are done, and Shanghai was the reward

So, I have no idea if I ever mentioned it on this blog: midterms were last week. I know I passed two of the three I had, so I'm hopeful about the third, though it was the hardest overall and the one I had the least motivation to study for. I should have known at the beginning of the week what my score was...but I didn't go to class. Wanna know why?

Because I was in SHANGHAI! That's why.

Basically, Ally (a fellow SU student and friend) is also studying abroad, though her trip is far cooler because, well, she gets to go around the world! Pretty much already has been. One of the stops was Shanghai, and since we both knew that it was coming up, we made plans for me to come to Shanghai and act as a tour guide for her and her friends for a few days. Turned out that their arrival date was almost right after my last midterm. Talk about perfect timing, huh?

So I went over to Shanghai a day before they arrived (the day after my final midterm), stayed the day in the hotel getting clean (because the bathroom at the hotel was so much better than my dorm's), and did some research on where we should go. I met them at the train station the next day, though I was a little frightened I wasn't going to be able to find them since I didn't know exactly which terminal they were coming out of. We met up, I was introduced to Carly and Rob, found something to eat, they got their money exchanged, got checked into the hotel I was staying at, got ready to go out for the night, we hit a few bars and clubs, then watched a movie. I wasn't overly satisfied with that day, so the next day, I made sure we did a lot of touristy stuff, like going up the Oriental Pearl tower (three times the size of the Space Needle for reference), going through the Bund Sightseeing Tunnel (which was about the closest I've ever felt like I was on drugs), then a few more sights, bars, and clubs. It all turned out quite well. Only thing that turned sour was I didn't have my camera for it. I'll have to steal some pictures from the others....

Anyway, that was basically it. I missed class Wednesday because I was so tired from the previous days (we didn't much sleep any of the nights), but I'm back on track now...to mess it up when I go to Beijing in the hopefully not too distant future.

And that's all I've got for now.

再见，
杜楷

A month left

Well, a little more than a month, but really, I've been here for over three so far. The last one can feel a little less than the rest, don't you think?

As my time draws to a close, I keep thinking some of the same thoughts, and since this blog was created for the sole purpose of sharing my thoughts with the people I care for, I suppose it might be in good form to do divulge said thoughts in a tidy manner. Can't promise it'll stay tidy, though; have you ever seen my room? Can't keep it clean for more than an hour...see, I'm already veering off!

A major thing I keep thinking about is, "Was this trip worth it? Am I doing everything I wanted to do when I first set out?" To be honest, the answer feels like a big "no". When I signed up to go to China last year, part of the reason I did so was because I was feeling trapped, like I needed to change my scenery so significantly that I would "wake up" and see the world around me in a new way. I sure as heck changed the scenery, but I haven't "woken up" as I felt I would. Does this mean I was never asleep, or am I still snoozing away in life? Can't tell you. In the long run, it doesn't really matter anyway. In either case, I'm still stuck in the same boat that I was before. There was a huge part of me that didn't want to go to school last Spring quarter, and I get the feeling that'll happen again. I don't know whether I'm just ready to enter the working world or something, but school just doesn't hold the same appeal that it once did for me. I've lost some of my desire to learn, and I don't know how to get it back. Maybe some real time off; I haven't had that for awhile now. My time in China was supposed to serve as that as well, but all I've really done here is go to school, try to speak the language, and travel the city I'm living in. Sounds like American college to me. I do think one thing that'll make a big difference in this last month is I'm going to travel, regardless of whether I'll have the time in class or not. I will be so disappointed with myself if I don't go to Beijing at least once, so I'm doing it. It'll be cold as heck, but it's better than nothing. Really, I like China, but I wish I wasn't here as a student. I want to come back as a tourist one day, even if the time I'm here is significantly shorter. Heck, a shorter time might even be better.

I just think the timing of this trip was all wrong. If I had left when I first signed up, and I mean right after I signed up, within the next couple of months, I feel like this trip would have done so much more for me. I would have been in that "ready to change" state of mind and accepted everything that happened to me, good or bad, as a catalyst for that change. After working all summer, though, on a play and two jobs, which, despite my constant griping of having no free time, really were some of the best times I've had in my life, plus finally starting to feel at home in my apartment with Coran and Clair, uprooting my life for the sake of a four month trip and the rest of the consequences when I return home just doesn't make the trip seem worth it in the long run. I was...happy, I think. It's hard for me to say whether that really is how I feel, considering I don't know very many points in my life that I've been really happy. I'm not trying to vie for sympathy, I'm being genuine here. I deal with some constant parts of my personality that make life, even the good points, a little less happy, such as my constant comparison to people around me and their accomplishments versus my lack of accomplishments, my unsatisfactory love life, my addictions to certain things such as TV, video games, and movies, and other areas I can't think of right now. They all tie into me worrying whether I'm doing what I should be doing at the moment. Perhaps that's what I'm doing now as well, but, again, I can't help but think that if only I had left a couple months earlier before settling down or not gone at all, I'd be feeling better now. Don't get me wrong; I don't think this trip is a waste. I think there are many good things I can glean from it. I just...don't know what they are yet. Some of this might come as a shock to some people because I think I appear as a generally happy soul, but...ah, I don't know. Lots of things I don't know. Hopefully I'll get them figured out at some point.

Alright, I've bared my soul enough for one day. Anymore and you might start thinking I'm a random flasher on a soccer field. So, go on now; 'git!

再见，
杜楷

Stranger Translation Thoughts

I forgot to mention, I also began thinking about the ways that English and Chinese were different...besides the obvious, I mean. Sure, one is tonal, the other isn't (and if you have to ask me to clarify which is which...I might just cry. Don't make me cry). And then there's that whole "Chinese characters versus English words" thing, which is also fairly obvious.

But for me, the hard part is often the fact that in Chinese, the same sound or sounds can mean totally different things, depending on the context. We have the similar situation in English with homonyms, but that's a small section of our language overall, really. In the majority of the English vernacular, each word is different. Per example, look at the last sentence. Does any word have a homonym? No. (And if it does, please tell me so I can feel foolish and then change this assertion...) So that's one reason the Chinese language is more difficult for English speakers, I think. Also, each sound is a word by itself in Chinese. And I don't think there's a proper parallel for that in English. We look at a word, and even if we don't understand the meaning, we can at least try to say the word. In Chinese, it's different. Almost exactly opposite. If you have a thorough understanding of the Chinese radicals, you can usually guess the meaning, but the sound...I don't know how people here determine that. Tradition, I suppose. And each sound, again, can mean so many different things! It's insanely difficult in its simplicity. 逗，都， and 豆 all have different meanings (funny, all, and bean), but all are pronounced "dou". And that's not even considering the other "dou"s that are said with other sounds to make completely different words!

I feel like it's a game where I have all the pieces (the sounds), but I don't know where to put them down to employ the best move or if I should even put them down in the first place. I'm learning the rules of the game, though, and even though I doubt very much I'll ever be a grandmaster, I certainly can hold my own against other players well enough.

Food for thought.

再见
杜楷

Strange Translation Thoughts

I've thought about this a lot while I've been in China. "This" being speaking Chinese. I still find it interesting that as I speak Chinese, I don't think of it directly as a "language", but rather, as a "code" of sorts. It's something that I have to decipher and figure out what the meaning is in English, even if it is just a rough interpretation. Even with nearly every person around me speaking this language, I still can't help but think in English. Does that make me worse at the language, not being able to get past this barrier? I know a lot of people do it, but do those who are fluent in other languages? I have no idea. Insights, por favor! Yes, I used Spanish. So what? If it bothers you that much, just say "fay-ver" in your mind's voice rather than "fa-vor". ;)

Also! A month and a half left! Almost there! I'll be so excited to see you all upon my return.

That's it for this very short update. I'm procrastinating on studying for midterms. Why? Because that's what I do. It's in my blood!...along with oxygen and other vital materials. But that's another subject.

再见,
杜楷

Daylight Savings Time

Yeah, it's going to take a little getting used to from here. I'm still on the same time as always (for those who don't know, China doesn't do the whole..."fall back, spring forward" thing), and now I've got to adjust to the Pacific Time Zone's time, which will be hard, because my math skills with subtracting or adding the right number of hours was getting pretty fast. Ah well....

In other news, I will be going to Shanghai this weekend to see a friend from Seattle University who is on a different study abroad trip. Then, later (though I don't know exactly when), I'm going to go to Beijing and spend five days there. Won't be nearly enough time, but it's better than nothing.

再见，
杜楷